today is a very gloomy and cynical day for me. i terribly wish it could be a little more up beat and alot less gloom. i had a break with my boyfriend and he can't understand why. i'm not one to really air out my personal dirty laundry, mostly just the good stuff. but here goes...he thinks the world revolves around him. we've been off and on since i was 16, i'm 29 in october...so it's been awhile. i'm not married, never have been. our relationship moves slower than a snail in slow motion. he thinks we've progressed and i agree, about as much as a new relationship in its first year of life. we should be ages along but we aren't. there's me, then there's him. there's no US. if i ask a question about where he's been i'm nagging. if i ask why there's a hair tie in his home that isn't mine i'm snooping. if i tell him i don't think he should have a picture of a girl, who is a friend, that tried to date him once and has made here interests known then i'm jealous. the things that matter to me shouldn't according to him. this morning he explained to me that he was wrestling around with some mates at work. when he got out of the shower i noticed he had scratches all over his back...he said it was probably from wrestling. then a bit later he mentioned something about last night and said, 'when i got home from....' which was somewhere out of town about 40 minutes away. when i told him a few minutes later that i had travel plans thursday he immediately asked, 'what are you going there for?' i replied, 'why were you there last night? if you couldn't divulge any information freely then why should i?' so he got pissy and said, 'that's fine.' and i replied, 'what? what's wrong?' he said, 'if i didn't tell you then you shouldn't have to tell me i guess.' he went to ironing his clothes and it immediately got quiet and uncomfortable so i left to take my daughter to school saying goodbye and have a good day....i got not so much as a goodbye in return. he wants me around when it is convenient and i fall for it everytime because i hope that one day he will be what i catch a glimpse of at times...a family man, who is open, around, and considerate. not perfect, just has common sense about relationships enough to know that i'm a girl, with girl feelings, i'm not a guy and i'm not tough all the time and things matter to me that may not matter to him. so...today, i told him i wanted time to myself for a bit. immediately he said it had to be because of someone else. i told him no, it was about he and i, not anyone else. he doesn't seem to believe it and said he'll find out who else i'm seeing. honestly, there is nobody. hell, if i can't be honest here, where can i be? so, i tried to call and he said my calls weren't welcome anymore and there you have it. he's an imbecile. a complete imbecile.