oh, not to mention the fact as well that he has a picture of his new dog up on his myspace page and despite me sending him an email of 5 pics the other day...nice ones mind you...he can't seem to put them up but instead lets girls flirt with him on there. i'm just pissy now. ugh!

today is a very gloomy and cynical day for me. i terribly wish it could be a little more up beat and alot less gloom. i had a break with my boyfriend and he can't understand why. i'm not one to really air out my personal dirty laundry, mostly just the good stuff. but here goes...he thinks the world revolves around him. we've been off and on since i was 16, i'm 29 in october...so it's been awhile. i'm not married, never have been. our relationship moves slower than a snail in slow motion. he thinks we've progressed and i agree, about as much as a new relationship in its first year of life. we should be ages along but we aren't. there's me, then there's him. there's no US. if i ask a question about where he's been i'm nagging. if i ask why there's a hair tie in his home that isn't mine i'm snooping. if i tell him i don't think he should have a picture of a girl, who is a friend, that tried to date him once and has made here interests known then i'm jealous. the things that matter to me shouldn't according to him. this morning he explained to me that he was wrestling around with some mates at work. when he got out of the shower i noticed he had scratches all over his back...he said it was probably from wrestling. then a bit later he mentioned something about last night and said, 'when i got home from....' which was somewhere out of town about 40 minutes away. when i told him a few minutes later that i had travel plans thursday he immediately asked, 'what are you going there for?' i replied, 'why were you there last night? if you couldn't divulge any information freely then why should i?' so he got pissy and said, 'that's fine.' and i replied, 'what? what's wrong?' he said, 'if i didn't tell you then you shouldn't have to tell me i guess.' he went to ironing his clothes and it immediately got quiet and uncomfortable so i left to take my daughter to school saying goodbye and have a good day....i got not so much as a goodbye in return. he wants me around when it is convenient and i fall for it everytime because i hope that one day he will be what i catch a glimpse of at times...a family man, who is open, around, and considerate. not perfect, just has common sense about relationships enough to know that i'm a girl, with girl feelings, i'm not a guy and i'm not tough all the time and things matter to me that may not matter to him. so...today, i told him i wanted time to myself for a bit. immediately he said it had to be because of someone else. i told him no, it was about he and i, not anyone else. he doesn't seem to believe it and said he'll find out who else i'm seeing. honestly, there is nobody. hell, if i can't be honest here, where can i be? so, i tried to call and he said my calls weren't welcome anymore and there you have it. he's an imbecile. a complete imbecile.

so i was listening to bbc4 and heard about the collapse of xl and all the stranded people on holiday. wow! i hope they're able to make it home safely.

in other news...yes, i've once again been away for a bit. but i have stuff to report on. hehe. last night i made a splendid greek cucumber and tomato salad! tasted SO yummy! grilled chicken, roasted potatoes and my salad with cake afterwards. it was a dinner straight from heaven. in the school front...busy! violin is exhausting. i'm practicing tons and my fingers hurt SO bad! my other classes are easy so far. i've decided to do my term project on leadership development on the president of my company and he's agreed to help me! i'm excited about that. he seems to be a very intelligent person so my project should be thorough.
on the love front...heh. things are ok. typically typical. bickering...making up...bickering some more. not entirely healthy but i've been wrapped up in it for 12 years now so getting out of the routine is a little tough. anyhow, back to listening to bbc4 and doing work. later.